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Pamela Williams Kelly, a lawyer in Memphis, TN, who separated from her abusive husband when her children were young, didn't realize how much her strained marriage had affected her six-year-old son until her separation.

"My son was angry at me and raised his hand to hit me.

"My ex and I weren't ready to totally call it quits," she says.

"When I decided to divorce, it was because I didn't want to keep doing this over and over.

"Ask yourself: How could you have been healthier, more constructive and more mentally, spiritually and sexually aware and available? "If you don't get this down now, you'll experience similar issues in your next relationship."4. In some cases, a separation may be best if your morals or religion tell you divorce is a bad idea, says certified family law specialist Erin M. "With a legal separation, you divide up property, debts and assets, as well as deal with child custody, visitation and child and spousal support—the business end of a marriage—without dissolving the union," she says.5.

She separated from her husband after three years of marriage and is grateful she took the time to identify why she thought splitting was the best option before going through with it.

Here, real women and divorce experts share which questions to ask yourself before you call it quits for good.1. When one person wants a divorce, and the other wants to work on things, a separation could be a good option, says Jacqueline Newman, a partner at a law firm in New York City specializing in divorce.

It gives the reluctant party time to adjust to no longer being married, which may smooth the in-court process.

"Separation made me realize that I wanted my husband and family and I was willing to do whatever it took to make it work," she says.

Now married 16 years ("and counting," she says), she and her husband were able to move past their issues.




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