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"I've been the primary in open relationships, and it's really challenging," she says.While "couple privilege" is a concept meant to be resisted by people trying to ethically navigate nonmonogamy, I also saw it as the larger macro lens through which the media reports on these relationships: always through the eyes of the couple, with a tinge of titillation (ethical cheating, sexy!) as well as anxiety (but what about the dying institution of marriage? It's an angle that only serves to reaffirm the preeminence of coupledom in American culture, not disrupt it.Is it possible to be happy as a "secondary," as wince-inducing as the word is?Beth*, a 37-year-old therapist in San Francisco who's currently dating a couple (sexual with the man, "romantic" but not sexual with the woman), is of two minds about the settling question.




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