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The object of the exercise was to do this for as long as possible before she noticed.For too long I failed to understand that this wasn’t harmless fun — it was about the disgusting ritual humiliation of another human being. I had a wonderful childhood with parents who were great role models and I attended Manchester Grammar School, one of the country’s top independent schools.Needless to say my mother, a retired school bursar, is appalled by my confession. The rot set in when, aged 15 and too large to play football, I started playing rugby and embraced the camaraderie that went with it.I have two older brothers who played rugby, but they didn’t behave as badly as I did.It never occurred to me that these were other people’s daughters I was harassing and insulting — young women who deserved so much better.Admittedly, at the time I was a member of the rugby team — a sport that’s long had a reputation for bawdy behaviour — but this routine degradation of women was going on across the wider male population.Sitting around a bar table, a group of young men pass a phone between them, roaring with laughter and hollering sexually charged expletives at the film being played on it.It’s graphic footage, featuring one of their mates in a passionate clinch with a young woman he met during a drunken bar crawl the previous night.

They’re too busy praising the bloke for his sexual prowess and branding the girl a slut to give much thought to her feelings.We’d swagger around campus in loud groups, urging young women to show us their breasts or make lewd comments on some other part of their anatomy. In the city beyond our campus we’d rate girls’ appearances out of ten as they passed us in the street, debating how good they might be in bed.We acted this way for no better reason than that our crass behaviour made us feel more like men.It was a defining moment — her words making me finally realise that what I was using as a blueprint for manhood was woefully lacking.It’s the frightening ease with which that pack mentality gets a grip on men which inspired me to use my experiences, alongside research into male behavioural patterns, for my book Be A Man — How Macho Culture Damages Us And How To Escape It. You only have to walk past a pub or bar on a Saturday night to realise this mindset is still prevalent.




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