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In my experience, these relationships that were “wrong” from the start are very hard to repair.

Meeting someone when you are more mature, know yourself better and have learned how to have relatively healthy relationships (maybe you have been in therapy by now) certainly can bode well for a promising future together.

Acceptance is usually won over eventually, but it can take a long time.

Your new partner may truly be a wonderful person but many friends and family that are close to you are going to be so prejudiced that it will be hard to give the new person a chance.

Of course you should not make your decisions based on what others would think or feel.

But it is important to honestly assess your affair and think about whether this relationship could stand this kind of stress.

(For an update on this statistic go to “Can Relationships That Start as Affairs Succeed?

Besides the guilt, and fear of discovery, you also know that sooner or later you will have to lose someone you love or have loved.

You face going from the bliss of secrecy into a tailspin of conflict with many people at once.

Of course, you face this once the affair is disclosed, no matter who you end up with, but it is less awful if you are attempting to repair the damage with your primary partner.

Succumbing to the fantasy that the new relationship will be free of conflict or other emotional difficulties can be a setup for another failed relationship.

We tend to repeat patterns over and over until we come to understand ourselves.




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