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Since she's met most of the men she's dated through friends and work associates, she's decided to focus on dating by referral.

"I have so many cool friends, and my cool friends have to have cool friends," she says with hopeful determination.

"Men are just really nonchalant and kind of loosey-goosey about plans, almost like they're not interested," Fuller says. '" And I'll say, 'Oh, you know, I suffer from PPMS: Portland Passive Male Syndrome.'" She laughs and tells the story of a date that didn't happen. "Portland is a great place for a man without a job, an apartment or life to find a hardworking woman who will give him 'three hots and a cot,' an allowance and a place for his band to practice," says Jennifer Lane, founder of Bar Fly Magazine.

She'd met a guy she liked, but he was "just way too flexible" -- yet just when Fuller decided he wasn't right for her, he stepped up and invited her on a picnic. "I'm from New York, where people are a lot more direct about whatever they're feeling.

Clean house: "You cannot have any exes hanging around. You really want to be clear and have your dating space clear. It's not going to allow you to really be available to find someone that way." 2.

Be intentional: You have to know what you want -- are you looking for The One or just someone to hang out with on Saturday nights? "Before you even go out, you need to be really intentional about what it is that you even want." 3.

"People really seem to enjoy hating Valentine's Day together." Heather Strang, who does energy healing and coaching and specializes in dating and love, says the problem isn't Portland.

"I have clients on the East Coast, in California, all over the country, and they all say the same thing," Strang says.

You won't necessarily meet your match online, but this gets you in the mindset of dating and meeting people. "Stop doing the happy hour and bar scene every Friday night that you've been doing for 10 years," Strang advises.

But he'd forgotten about a birthday party he was committed to and bailed on the picnic -- via text message -- an hour before they were scheduled to meet. People here are so casual, sometimes it's hard to tell if you're actually on a date, or not." For those in a decidedly unromantic mood, Lane's Bar Fly Bus Tours offers its fourth annual "Love Stinks, Let's Drink" anti-Valentine's Day bar tour of Portland on Saturday, for "camaraderie with other like-minded individuals," Lane says.

"It wasn't, 'I forgot about this party, do you want to go with me? The "Love Stinks" bus will hit eight to 10 bars, clubs, lounges and taverns in six hours for drinking, karaoke and dancing -- "with an added frisson of bitter cynicism," Lane says.

Fuller, an acquaintance of Strang's, understands the value of an optimistic outlook.

Despite Portland Passive Male Syndrome, Fuller has been in several relationships and one marriage here.




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Start with "When we get home..." and see where the story goes from there. Then you'll start to get hard and I'll lean down and kiss your cut lines...[An hour passes...]Did I scare you off? Fine, back to licking your nipples..sucking at them...[Another hour passes...]When I still get no response, I panic that I've somehow sent the last message to the wrong person.


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