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It’s a very self-involved thing to do, and it makes it impossible for you to relate intelligently to your date.

What your date thinks of you is not really your business. If you've decided not to continue the relationship but feel you can't say so, don't make empty promises.

Be complementary whenever possible, and respond intelligently to whatever is said to you.

• Have Fun — Don’t Get Too Heavy Keep your date light and easy, and have a good time.

• Use the Power of Charm Remember how powerful your smile can be, and use your eye contact and ask questions to keep the conversation flowing.

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Hopefully, in all these considerations, because you’ve thought about the serious issues in advance, you’ll still be able to relax and have a good time—so good, that you decide to keep dating each other. You'll learn even more about your date, and be more relaxed. When you’ve just met someone, you can't know where it might go, so concentrate on developing the friendship. • Do let your date know if you enjoyed his/her company. You don't need to tell your date about other dates if you two have no agreement about exclusivity.

A wide disparity in income calls for frank discussion early on. California, with over 30 years experience in counseling individuals and couples and author of 11 books, including It Ends With You: Grow Up and Out of Dysfunction (New Page); How to Be a Couple and Still Be Free (New Page); The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again (Wiley) and The Real 13th Step: Discovering Self-Confidence, Self-Reliance and Independence Beyond the Twelve Step Programs (New Page.) Two new books will be out from Adams Press in 2007: Money, Sex and Kids: Stop Fighting About the Three Things That Can Ruin Your Marriage and Commuter Marriage.

If your date spends a lot on you, reciprocating with a home-cooked meal, a hand-made gift, or needed repair work will even the tally. The media focus on youth and fitness these days can make anyone feel insecure and unattractive. Instead of worrying what your date thinks of you, focus on what you think of your date. Tessina, 2007 adapted from: The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again (Wiley) ISBN#0-02-862454-8 Author Bio: Tina B. She publishes Happiness Tips from Tina, an e-mail newsletter, and the ADr.

DON'TS • Don’t assume your date is exclusive with you if you've never talked about it. Occasional silences allow a conversation to feel natural and unforced. Good reasons for going slowly into sexual activity include: reducing the risk of sexually transmitted diseases, avoiding the awkwardness of intimacy with a total stranger; averting codependent obsession; and having sex to look forward to.

If and when sex is right, it will happen—there’s no advantage in rushing. It doesn't impress your date if, in the long run, you have to make an embarrassing confession, and “buying” someone's company doesn’t work.




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