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Marilyn, a 57-year-old single colleague of mine, recently reconnected with someone she had worked with many years ago. "No," Marilyn said with a laugh, "it's better than that: I'm in like with him — and that's exactly where I want to be." She further confided that they planned to make their reunions "a regular thing — if four times a year can be called 'regular.' But I think that's about all I really want." Marilyn's casual approach to maintaining a friendship with benefits typifies the mindset of older folks who have reconciled themselves to having "great fun" even if it's "just one of those things." And episodic pleasure-seeking may be more common than you think: In The Normal Bar, a book I wrote last year with Chrisanna Northrup and James Witte, we reported that 61 percent of female survey respondents who had partners fantasized about someone they had met.

A few weeks later, she joined him for "a wonderful weekend" in his home state. (For men, the figure was 90 percent.) And should they be propositioned by someone they found attractive, 48 percent of the women (and 69 percent of the men) said they would be tempted to have sex outside the relationship.

She entertained a few options: late bloomer, nonblooming, perpetually single. Alana built a simple, all-text website— Alana's Involuntary Celibacy Project—and while it's long gone, she and a few others shared their memories with me, and Alana sent me a packet of old posts.

For a few years after founding the project, she says, she was celibate, but she gradually became more socially confident.

By then living in Toronto, she started to date men as well as women, read queer liberation theory, and explore polyamory. "You don't want to hang out with someone less cool than you are, in case you catch the uncoolness."Alana knows how ironic this is, not to mention "unjust" and "stupid" of her, but she turned the site over to someone she didn't know and never looked back.

The site was populated by men and women, but certainly more men, which Alana had mixed feelings about.

While the men were prone to antagonistic, repetitive complaining, she truly wanted her project to be a home for all incels; rigid gender norms, she thought, burdened every- one.




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which do not constitute a health risk, may be buried or interred in memorial sites or cemeteries, or they may be retained by relatives and dispersed in various ways.


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You can get a sense of ancient history by walking the mile-long, 17th century walls or you can take in more contemporary events by visiting the Bogside Murals on the houses near Free Derry Corner.


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And men with more education also had stronger preferences for female partners who were “good looking” and slender, whereas this was not a concern for women.